Alternative ways to gain superpowers

My last entry was about selling your soul to the devil, in order to obtain superpowers.

I case you’re not prepared to do that (in which case you probably lack the will to take over the world, or generally succeed in evil), here are some other ways that just might work for you:

  • Become really skilled with technology. I know it’s not really a superpower, but you could be like iron man. Only more evil.
  • Get a lot of money. Buy yourself to manmade superpowers.
  • Take various weird sorts of drugs and hope for the best (worst)
  • Talking to a crow, a goat, or some other animal and hope that they’re willing to fuse with your DNA. (or make them bite you. You never know)
  • Doing something really noble and hope to gain superpowers as a reward. (even if you gained the powers by doing good, it’ll be easy to use them for evil)
  • Ask your local used book vendor for books on dark magic. You might be surprised.
  • Try saying various chants with the words “might”, “dark”, “chaos” or “cosmos”.
  • Asking for superpowers for Christmas/Hanukkah or some other holiday. (might help if one of your family members is a supervillain or Cthulhu)
  • Get in the way of superheroes a lot. That’s how some supervillains are created.
  • Find someone with superpowers, eat their brain, and see if anything happens (it’s been done before)

 In case you don’t have any luck with this, my next post will be dedicated to the supervillains who don’t have powers, but do just fine in the business.

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How to Sell Your Soul to The Devil

Want to cause some mayhem? 

Well, unless you’re super skilled with tech, are the monarch of a small country close to Hungary or born with magical powers/trained in gypsy magic, that’s not going to be easy. (basically, it’s not easy unless you’re Doctor Doom)

 

But why sell your soul to the devil, you might ask. Well, here’s why.

Pros: You can get your destructive powers without being trained by monks for 20 years. It won’t cost you anything at the moment. Remember, saying that you made a deal with the devil instantly makes you seem 70% more badass.

Cons: You’re pretty much damned to an eternity in hell afterwards (when you die). Then again, you’ll be surrounded by interesting people.

 

How to do it:

Sadly, paypal don’t transfer souls, even if it’s just another currency.

According to the original blues legends (rockstars selling their soul to the devil for the sake of awesome guitar solos etc.), Robert Johnson did it at a crossroads in mississippi. I think the important thing to notice in this picture, is the crossroads. And that it’s probably some sort voodoo ritual, so I hope you’re not afraid to bleed a little. (that’s not useful fear when causing mayhem either, by the way)

  • This is usually done at midnight or just before dawn
  • Make an offering of some sort. Like pocket change and tobacco or whatever.
  • It might help to play fiddle.

Also, I want you to get your expectations down, just about now. Satan isn’t going to swoop up from the ground, he’s a busy guy. (I know, you won’t meet the devil.. Such a letdown.) 

What you will meet is probably some minor demon, but that’s unimportant. 

Just remember to ask for some sort of kickass superpower.

Like being able to set things on fire by thinking about them, or control of an element.

 

Conclusion. 
Making a deal with the devil is an easy shortcut to gaining superpowers and you should totally do it.

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I’m back!

MuahahahahAHA-hark-

Eh. Nevermind that. *cough* Moving on.

Sorry for neglecting the blog. Sort of. “Sorry” isn’t very evil, is it? No it isn’t. Then I’m not sorry… Very much.

Things don’t seem to go easy these days, and school has been taking up a lot of my time lately. This as brought my evilness to a passive level.

While many.. “Creative” ideas pop up at night, most of them aren’t all that good. The thing about being a villain without superpowers, is that you’ve got to have a clear mind and do some real planning.
Otherwise you’re just screwed. I mean, plenty of supervillains lose in the end, just because they screw up the planning part. Superpowers or not.
Hmm, I should get some.

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The Season of Crime

Christmas eve is getting closer with every breath, the smell of cinnamon is filling smaller homes and people are stressfully running about, trying to find materialistic goods to please family members and friends.

“So, Jerica, wouldn’t the Christmas Season be perfect for doing evil? I mean, it doesn’t even have to be that evil, with all of this seemingly good all around.”

Really. Evil deeds at Christmas is overdone. Have you ever watched a Doctor Who Christmas special? .. Or any other Christmas special, really. Something bad always happen. I wouldn’t get noticed unless I stole the moon (which would be very,very stupid) or something like that.

… It’s also far too mainstream. Overdone.

On another note, I don’t see how I could make a profit, unless I robbed a mall. Because, really, after the Christmas shopping is done, people don’t have  a lot of money anymore.

… Of course, capturing a minor population on a homemade snowstorm… Eventually the government would have to pay up.

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The Good Qualities of Doctor Doom

Victor Van Doom, also known as Doctor Doom, is the Monarch of the country of Latveria, a small country in Europe (with excellent cheese, I’m informed).
He’s the archenemy of the Fantastic Four, and, to be fair, my favourite villain of all time.

  • He is intelligent. Very intelligent, even, being one of the smartest men on the planet.
    This is probably one, among other, reasons to turn to villainy. Because Good is dumb, and dumb must fail. And if there’s one thing that Doom  does not do, it’s fail.
  • He is giving the people of Latveria a high standard of living free of crime. Meaning that he’s actually a good leader.
  • He fights to save the planet, so that he can try to take control of it afterwards, but still.
  • Doom has defeated actual cosmic beings. He can also lift about 2 tons while in his armor.
  • He knows magic. His mother being a gypsy, he has learned quite a bit of old magic from her books. This includes taking over the body of other people for a short amount of time.
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Gigantic Lasers aren’t the Way

I’ve already begun working on my next (undoubtedly genius) plan.
Brainstorming, however, isn’t always the solution, if you don’t have any shining new ideas. Because of my slight lack of creativity, I decided to invite a friend (yes, even evil geniuses have those) over, if nothing else, to make time pass with something different from staring into a blank document on my computer.

My friend, also known as Ben, suggested a gigantic laser on the moon as my next plan… It’s not much of a plan, though, is it? I mean, you have a laser on the moon, you could destroy a country, but for what reason? There’s no money to be made from this cliché.

…Also, sending stuff into space is quite expensive.. And so are gigantic lasers.

Later on, Ben said that his idea was ”simply a jest”.
I don’t think that he’s taking my life choices seriously.

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Plans ruined

I’ll have to have you pardon my absence from this blog-thing, things don’t always go according to the plan.

Actually, that is probably one of the main things about villainy. Things don’t always go as you plan it out. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to plan every detail out, as it does improve your chances to succeed, it simply means that like with everything else, failure is a possibility. And you should never let that get to you.

For myself, I had a bank-coup all planned out, everything went brilliantly! Until, of course, some local hero decided to show up. I try not to remember the name for now.
I don’t know if I am yet ready for a new archenemy.

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